Monday, April 30 ♥
You know what? Im giving up! i give up on u!
I don't need and i don't have a friend who forgets me easily. Shouldn`t have cared about you from the start that much. My kindness was not paid off for goodness sake! I was nice to u and this is what i get? I closed one eye trying to forget what u always say and what u kept telling me all these while. I try to understand u. I was stupid to sacrifice every ounce of me for you. It looks like u don`t appreciate it huh? Ur actions is clear enough. You treat me like im your every other friends. Whats the tittle for? I gave u what u need. You are rude to me. Always. sometimes i feel u don`t even respect me for who i am. Whereas i was the one who respect u. I guess you even treat ur friends way better than the way u treat me. You Lied to me again. Once more. Im dumb to fall for your trap. I regret knowing and accepting u in the first place. Hey, Don`t come to me when u need me aite? You are still who you supposedly to me. But the way i care for u will be the same like how i care for those bitches. And u are one of those bitches.
Before u correct your friend, look at yourself first in the mirror and ask yourself the way u treat me all these while. U treat me like u don`t even know me.
I deserve the way how u treat others.
Ive never mistreat u like what u did to me.
If u can forgive that person`s small mistake, why not mine?
Why u love that someone more than me after what that person did to you?
Treat others the same..
Remember the past when u scold me without looking into the situation? Think back what uve done to me.
All these while, it was your fault. always finding faults within me.
Bitch,
I'll wait for retribution..
im waiting for that moment..
Im always waiting...
Dont let today's dissapointment cast a shadow on tomorrow`s dream...
♥
I hate it when my mom and my uncles and aunts keep on asking me what does "it" one from me..How am i suppose to know. i cant communicate with that thing like i used to! All i know is that "it" is somewhere near me okies? No more questions asked. Full stop!
I feel guilty when my parents had to rush home last friday when i told them i was all alone at home and i cant find my brother. Well i guess he is a useful resource in the end. I guess i need him. Guilty!
Yeay I have u back, dear. two days was a pure torture tao! Im sorry ok for being so not understanding. Yes dats so not cool,k? im sorry k?
Idont feel like talking when im in school today. I guess its those time when the ladies will blow their tops off for no reason. Feel so uncomfortable. Geez! i want to end it soon..Cepats! Opps sorry! even when besty talked to me just now, i was like "uh.." kesian dier..then she asked me again "why u dont want to talk to me anymore is it?" so soft when she said that..ahaks..dah kenape ngan budak nie ehk..why suddenly she talk so softly..Early in the morning dah kene lecture by Ms Ng about reading journal. Haiz..So sleepy. feel like yawning everytime she talks. But obviously i cant. Im being rude. D and T lesson was so freaking cold! and the room stinks..Eeww..No mood at all for MT. I just dont feel like going for her lesson when hes there... i wonder why guys like attention..Hmm...
I wanna hug u,pinch ur cheecks, kiss those chubby dimple cheecks and just just hug u when i see u, dear..can i do that? can i? I miss hugging u..
Friday, April 27 ♥
what a sleepy and lazy day. after school, went home straight had my shower and off to besty`s house. There,watch tv half way then sleep. The weather was great! so cooling..then woke up watch tv then went to WM. Thought of eating KFC but then it was crowded..so went to Mc.d. talk and talk and talk..went home and update blog..
School was..nothin new..Well except for the lower secs..they are having their MYE. The sec 4s and 5s had their normal time table as usual.it was fun to be back to the old system. Just stay put in class and wait for the teachers to come. Can we have that for the next semester? Its so leceh to actually walk arnd. Haish..Recess with Ice today. Boring lah recess. I kinda hate recess. Wth! Mr ho talked very loud sia!distracted by his voice. Talked abt Mcspicy Mcdonalds and stuff. Even mdm reh smiled when we closed the door. We CAN still hear his voice clearly. well thats the bad parrt.
Ade orang tu tergiler2 kan classmate kiter lah...What was that guy name that u like? Fir ehk? ahaks..aite2 ill keep it to myself.
Tmr im going out and meet belo`s sister after her CIP. Yesz theres no remedial tommorow..wee hee..
Trying to be nice to me by asking me whether i had my dinner ehk? ermm..so nice of u ,hidayaht.
Shits..my mom knows about danish. haish..
Im going crazy over things that`s brown. Be it tshirt or watches. urgh!
I havent had it for the past few months. whats wrong with me? when is it coming? im not healthy is it??
Dear ice, can u pls stop reading story books and instead, pay attention in class?
Im still waiting to ask that someone to go to school with me. But i miss it everytime. Damn it! Urgh!
I adore monkeys and chimpanzees!
But i love syg`s dimple more!
Thursday, April 26 ♥
This past few days wasn`t good enuff to make me happy. The death of that That Hillgrove girl kinda disturbed me..Don`t know why. Yes. Ive nothing to do with the deceased or something but its like a big gap for me to take it. Going Lab during Chem also makes me nervous. Ive never been this nervous before. Im more catious with the chemicals and stuff. Its more like a phobia stepping in the Chem Lab. My heart miss a beat everytime the chemicals start to boil n splatter around. Haish..And geeting to know more details about syahidah and nadia makes me feel guilty also.
I miss Wan.. Miss listening to his crap and laughter. Haish..Its a pity that i always fail to see him everytime there`s MT period. I feel guilty again..Once more..
Urgh hate yesterday afternoon. I was enjoying watching tv then suddenly the Tv and the lights just went off. The whole block was in total darkness. And i had to go to Grandma`s place and wait for my parents till around 11 plus.
Today, the day started off as kinda sucky. maybe its because of yesterday afternoon. I don`t know why suddenly i started to hate someone so much. Urgh! I wil never let that person close to me let alone talk to me. I will just like Layan her..But after recess, it seems that everything is back to normal. Im totally fucked up when that somebody is late for school but didnt report to G.O. It is so annoying. You thought that they were absent from school. Then suddenly out off the blue that somebody just pop up WITHOUT the yellow form. And everytime i ask what time that somebody came to school, that somebody will reply "dont know" Oh for goodness sake! U guys are taking these late coming thingy for granted. I guess those who are late after 8 are NOT ALLOWED TO STEP INTO THE SCHOOL COMPOUND. Everytime when they are late, its always the same old patethic reason.
Not feeling well-Might as well u just stay at home n shake leg! U look fine to me. Please be specific when u say 'not feeling well'
Traffic jam-get out of that god damn house early then!
Overslept-is just as good as staying at home.
If u come to school for the sake of having ur attendance marked, then forget it. go find a job get money and marry off early! Have fun outside. Drinking and smoking. Nonsense!
Aku lebih rela engkau tidak hadir ke sekolah daripada lambat. Kehadiran kau di dalam kelas tidak ada bezanya.
Can u stop being selfish and make my job easier? Can u? Thats all im asking for from u. Im not asking much.
Monday, April 23 ♥
Didn`t update for the last 2 days...Lazy to update. Afterall, i ve nothing much to talk about. weel except for one incident hat happened at IMM last Saturday. And here it goess..
After buying my meals at LJS, i went straight to the taxi pick up point. infront of me there`s a couple and a family of three.. So since they just had their grocerry shopping, the Guys waited for the taxi while their wife were standing in the queue..to make the story short, The guy in white n the guy in red start scolding each other. They shout like nobody`s business. Then they start hurling vulgarities at each other. I mean the guy in red start saying the "f" word first. The guy in shte was like scolding but didnt say any bad words. And i find that pretty cool.
Red : @#$% ur family!!!
White- i didnt quite remember what he said..
red : @#$% off! @#$% u!
White-blablabla (that`s nt what he said larh. ive clean forgotten what he said except for a few lines)
Red : ...chinese family @#$%....
The guy in red is a chinese...
White : aren`t u chinese?? why are u scolding ur own race?
Red : Im not chinese..Im mat salleh..
The red guy`s wife (interrupt) : Eh,shut up lah!
Step mat salleh pulak si orang tue baju merah...
Then the guy in red called the guy in white and showed him the middle finger...He was "proud" to show off that he was showing the middle finger. I was like goodness gracious. Imean like hello...theres kids here who are nt suppose to lean these stuff. i was shocked! Haiz..it was the guy in red`s fault actually for blocking the passage way. Whats wrong with saying "excuse me" ? Cant he accept the fact that someone asked him to move his stuff away alittle? Its not like as if his dad own IMM...ouh god..
Sunday (22/4/07')
It was a lazy day. Nobody`s home. All i did was laze around. didnt eat the whole day. not until 9.30PM...
Haiz...I wish my DANISH is here with me and i can hug danish like how i hug my bolster. I will not let Danish go..not even for a minute...I miss hugging Danish sayang...
Monday (23/4/07')
To start of the day, my small little fingers accidently touched BIRD SHIT thats on the table. Sway kans?? Haish..
Secondly, i didnt bring my DnT folio and i have remedial today.
Thirdly, i didn`t do my geography homework.
Fourth, I ran towards the door and hit it myself againts it hard after SS period cos i thought the door was nt locked as the door just closed. Till now, i can still feel the pain.
Fifth,my bag was extremely heavy. i hate heavy bags!
Sixth, i didnt bring my ex link card and extra cash.
Wow! lots of things happened today. Haish..what the..
I read a blog from one of the students from 5N1...OMG! that person`s blog is so mengarot! aper kebende sak ultraman smuer.. IMMATURED! GROW UP LAH..
Hey besty giler..thanks ehk for helping me...tagtagtagtag
bluek!!!
Whats your motive saying all that? trying to make me feel outcast? Please change your mind set about that. You know what, i wasnt moved by what u said. Well, if u want me to feel outcast or jealousor whatever, let me tell you this...
You failed to make me feel like one!
Friday, April 20 ♥
Try giving me that look when it was obviously your fault. Try! So SICK of your attitude Nor Hidayaht Bin Mansor..Im sick of being ur sis! I hate u! get that clearly? I HATE YOU! i hate having brothers. They tend to step all over u by using u and stuff. once they use u, they will leave u aside. What the hell are u trying to say then? Shits!
Friday was superb. yesza finally i attend DnT lesson. hehs.. Baboon and i sat outside the DnT staff room and did our Dnt test. no one told me about the test. What the..Hmms.. Its so.. urgh! the test was kinda easily larh..I did make msitakes for it though. Yes! ive new idea for my ideation. It was superb! Thanks to Mdm Hamidah. wow! it was unbelivable. Phy was kinda ok. The experiment was complicating. Thanks to u also Iman. Back to the dnt test thingy right, Siva was asked to sit outside by Mr Yong. Lol sak the reason why he was sent to sit outside. then he had his revenge..Bad boy! Suupose to hand in the paper at 1200hrs but boon and i delay. Just to talk abt friends and stuff.. Fir! u dance to techno songs! haha.. cute! He dance infront of the class during Dnt..Giler!
I feel so unwanted sometimes. Is it my instinct that made me feel that way? Is it really the fact that im useless? I feel so helpless.I cried in silence. Behind every smile was my every tear drop. All my life, i only hear negative stuffs but hardly the postive things. Just what the world wants from me? Havent you had enough seeing me in this state? Problem after problem, i feel that the whole world is laughing at me turning their back againts me. The whole world came drshing down on me at a rate that i can never escape. Yes. we cant run away from realiy. But do they have to be this bad?When can i feel genuinely happy? I ahte to fake it. But i have too! just to see you smile and not to worry others. Afterall, they dont give a shit about me. And thats what i mean. Everybody is acting. Congrats..go get your trophies from the emmy award. You guys are one hell of a good actor. Keep it up. The real world is nothing but shit!Everyone`s so fake! Eveyone`s so plastic. Don`t deny it taht uare goody two feet. Go see yourself at the mirror and it will reveal it all. I despise people who are acting up. Just be who u are. Is that difficult?if u hate me, tell me lah,idiot! YOu guys are filthy shit who has nothing but to hurt others. Get that? thanks so much.. for all i care if u are dead. Buzz off! Scramp! so long...
IM DOWN AND OVER..
I hope u like the crumpler landyard..and the HAAGEN DAZS ice cream too! tc..
Stop FAVOURITISM...
Wednesday, April 18 ♥
Me and aisha was like crazy in class today! love it!
she was kinda in a bad mood before school starts..then this whole bobal konek starts during Geo lesson..
She was looking for guys that has something special that other guys didnt have.
then we start playing with the names. And that was AFTER Mrs Goh said Jin ru`s name wrongly.
Lela became Lale..Ka June changed to june ka..Iman changed to Man-i (pronouced it like man-ee) and Ifwat changed to wat-if.. I think it was stupid. really.
Then out of the blue i asked her to match make the girls and the guys..it was hilarious and stupid of cos..
Amirul with Iman..Shi min with Akil..and lots more. I think the sweetest couple would be Nicole and Ifwat. We even said that he`s gonna be the prom king..what the hell..ad shes gonna be the prom queen. But our dearest chairman has a better idea..cant tell..Gonna spoil the whole thing.
Chemsitry was fun. Not becos of the subject itself, but the hommies! they were funny just now. Maszlee dance to the question and same goes to Mdm reh..kekek sak! Suffian said something to Fir that made the whole class went crazy and laughing. LOL! even mdm reh laughed..what goes around comes around. Eng was another lesson that turn out to be quite fun. IN the end! Iqmal was being plain stupid.
God! ive lots of stuff to catch up on. especially Malay. I missed out lots of things. Two days didnt go to school, its like missing months of mly lesson. I didnt even know that i need to change the marks for the flash card thingy. NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT! AND I WAS LIKE WHERE ON EARTH DID THEY GOT THE MARKS FROM??? THEY DIDNT TALLY AT ALL! i was so frustrated when Adilah told me about the alteration of marks. I was totally fucked up! Totally! even the teacher didnt tell me. urgh! I guess i have every reason to be angry about this thing.
After school, i was stuck in two position. Going for my check up or just stay in school and go for my math remedial. talked to my mom and shes kinda cool with it. Yesza! After all, what im suffering from has nothing to do with the medicine world. Its all bout whats in my heart.
Stop being naive would you?
stop it..stop thinking that they would love u back..
Cant be bothered!
[Loves the memories so much that it causes tears of blood]
Sunday, April 15 ♥
Dear Danish...
It`s almost a week since the last time u said gd nyt to me.
i MISS receiving ur sweet gd nyt msg..
Haish..
Thank god that u didnt make any promises about sending me gd nyt msg..
I really hate weekends.. Totally! The workload is like sucks! Id rather go school than doing housework..
The cramp at my left leg aint gonna be any better.. Im a bad owner.. Cant take care of my leg properly...
I keep torturing my leg... I knew that i cant stand for too long and walk long distance...
Yet i still didnt listen to any advice from my friends and teacher...naughty me..
And while i was washing the toilet just now, i had to squat and put my weight on my right leg only..
And do u have any idea how bad it hurts when u stand up? But what to do? id rather see a clean toilet than trying to endure the pain on my leg...Cleanliness is my top priority..
I totally hate it when others use my stuff without permission...
yeah one gd example is my bro...
He uses my beloved Man utd cup! Shits..
and he use it infront of me like i gave him the permission to use it...
I jist gt back home after months at my granny`s place and he`s making me mad already...
we went out on Saturday..Bought dinner...
He suggest that maybe we should buy a big bottle of water at 7ELEVEN..
i was like ok good iddea since theres almost nothing in the fridge...
And guess what? i thought he`s gonna pay for it! in the end it was me who fork out $1.40..
yeah i know the amount sounds patethic..But he`s a guy and he was the one who suggest it..not me..
Thank god i took a bottle of plain water and not sweet drinks...
Health concious!
It was me who had to order for him his food and pay for it..(he used his money for his meal)
And now its me who pay for the drinks and my food..and it was him who finish it up..
told him not to throw away the bottle but yet he still threw it..
HAIZ!!! god please help me change this god damn bro!
I miss my elder bro although ive never seen him before...
He`s waiting for my mom at heaven`s door..
Ill join u soon,abg..
School! School! cant wait..
Danish,my lurbe..
Saturday, April 14 ♥
Its almost 3 in the morning. Ive yet to shut my eyes for the day. Suprisingly im not hungry! Its a miracle. maybe ill just have a meal a day.. That will be just fine. I was just blog hoppng. and i read Khalil`s blog about wearing fashinable specs. I agree to whatever he says. Whats wrong with wearing fashionable specs? ok..yeah i know this topic is like so yesterday but it makes me think over again for a couple of times. How weird can the school rules be sometimes. If thats the case, why not standardize everything we have. Including our bags too aite?
Im so in love wth the song sang by Drew Barrymore and something something Hudges( if im not wrong)...Its from the movie Music and Lyrics. Yikes! They reminds me of Olivia Newton John and John Travolta..
God! i really wanna sleep. I have malay remedial later at 10.30..I wanna sleep! Maybe i should take sleeping pills. Im afraid i will get addicted to it.
Im craving for Redbull. The blue tin please! Cos its carbonated and it tastes way better than the ones in the golden tin can...I wanna try drinking 5 redbull in a day. Just curious...i wanna see whats the side effects.
Ive been having this weird feelings eversince i have my migrane thingy came hunting me..You know the weird scary feelings that makes u shiver run down your spine and gave u goosebumps when u are not suppose to? I was just wondering if "it" wanna enter my body.. I have this feeling that it is somewhere near me watching me from a distance. Maybe its just my imagination runnig wild.. Astaghfirullahal'azim...SubahannALLAH..
only god knows...
i can imagine my dear Danish is fast asleep..aww...so sweet...those dimple on your face...hearing u snore...
Danish..Danish...awak cute larhs...
Friday, April 13 ♥
What`s past is past.. i dont wanna talked about what happened to me last Tuesday. Thanks to Siti Aisha Sabri Boey Stephany Amy. Thanks for being there for me the momoent i said i wanted to puke. It was greatly appreciated. and thanks for having to endure my stubborn-ness.. Thanks besty ku yang giler..Didn`t expect you both to be waiting for me outside the obs room. Hehs...
Becos of that, i get two days MC. Urgh! and im left with only Friday. It`s as good as not having to go to school.
What have i been doing for the past two days??
-Hang around doing NOTHING! (A couple of sudden moves can trigger the pain from bad to worst!)
-Rest,rest and more rest! (So sick and tired of resting!)
-Sleep
And now, im so sick and tired of doing all these stuffs! i wanna have my normal life back.. Just being me..
Im back at home. as in my own house with three rooms, living room, dining room and a kitchen. Not my grandma`s place. I miss my comfy bed with lots and lots of teddy bears! iMISS BLUND! hehs..the cute brown bear. iMISS LEAVING THE RADIO ON THE WHOLE NIGHT. Am i wasting electricity?My comforter..its so comfortable. lIKE DURH! THATS WHY ITS CALL COMFORTER! And i can actually "survive" in my room without eating as long as there`s radio.
During the weekends whatever state im in, im gonna clean the toilet and my room and the fan in my room!
Oh yeah..ever since i came back from hospital, luck was not on my side..
Today for instance is FRIDAY THE 13TH.. anybody took notice of the date today?? anybody??
While iwas going down the stairs, i fell as i miss a step.i hurt my right knee and obviously i sprained my left ankle.
JINX! wth...i injured myself...a bad day to start a day...
didn`t eat durin recess..No appetite...Greatness! yeay! If i didn`t eat.. mdm rehana, my dearest chem teacher will asked me o stay back after school as in like detention and eat through out the whole detention.. Mak oii!! what the..Of course i didn`t head for her advice and i didnt eat during recess. I`m hungry but i dont wanna eat. i was busy thinking about my dear DANISH...
oi besty! you`re so lucky to find the 2 dollar note on the floor..you are so lucky girl...
Im missing the old Danish. Im always missing the old DANISH.. i mean who wouldnt love someone who can cheer your day up with all their smile and the sound of their laughter laughing along to Stupid lame jokes...
Wednesday, April 4 ♥
Yay!! Didnt go to school on Monday. Damn it! I miss having DnT lesson and secondly Ms Ng was not in school! Haish...But all i knew is that 7 people from my class didnt go to school on monday. Wow~! A record that have yet to be broken i guess.. It was so boring at home. i did nothing. Thought of doing my malay homework which is supposed to be hand in on monday but the thought of someone on my mind made me kinda lazy to even read the question. But heys..i did it aite..mins before i went to school. Im lazy when it comes to mly homework.
I miss my brother and my family. my bro talkd to me yesterday. Only a couple of sentence. He was like "give this fees to ustazah ani" i was like "ok". I miss him larh..but i cant forget what he did to me before. Even ustazah knows about it too. she asked me if we are still on talking terms and me and my bro said don't know. Actually i myself still have doubts about me n my brother. And one sms that made me sad was "Asal u benci sangat ngan abang?" i guess it was him..hmm...
E-learning is like totally not my thing. ok, i do get the reason why they have it all these. And yeah..Its for my own sake too. Im bored with these whole e learning thing. That i stop doing my chem and decided to update my blog.. Great stuff! i ordered 2 bagels and hotcakes for dayah and hasbi including me. And the next thing i knew, the door ball rang and another Mcdelivery. I guess its from my aunt. I think she orders it. im not gonna touch it. im full...Im sick and tired of fast food restaurants. I wanna try something new.
to my dearest danish..
I love you to bits and pieces..like those rice grains( of all things,why rice grains?)
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU..
i miss you..
right now...
still thinking about you...
can we reach the 1 yr mark,danish syg??
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